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THE HARD DRIVES
Written by ALEKS! Adjustments & Corrections by WINN. June 21, 2014 - 9:30 PM The KAMEHAMEHOUSE BRUT and WINN are in a large room under the KAMEHAMEHOUSE. BRUT can be seen handcuffed to the table and WINN is looking at him in disappointment. WINN: I don't have time for this his shit. Tell me where our hard drives are. BRUT continuously licks his lips like a retard. BRUT: ...What’s the time? WINN turns on his phone and glances at it. WINN: 9:32, why ask? BRUT: Well, the new episode of Quintessential Quintuplets airs soon... And depending on the time: The hard drive could be in one place, or several. WINN gives off an irritated sigh. WINN: OK, I've run out of patience. You could've been a good little shit you know? WINN reaches for BRUT's handcuffs and unlocks them. WINN: I need some fucking coffee for this shit. Have fun... WINN sits up from his chair and starts walking away from BRUT. BRUT: Of course. The old good cop, bad cop routine? WINN: Not exactly. WINN looks at the end of the near pitch black room and shuts a door loudly behind him. BRUT quickly becomes bored with his short-ass attention span and begins humming the Bunny Girl Senpai OP. The lights turn on, completely illuminating the room. Behind BRUT is ALEKS wearing a Batman costume. ALEKS slams BRUTS head against the table and then walks in front of BRUT. Chris Hansen can be seen in the other room with WINN, both of them previewing ALEKS and BRUT through surveillance cameras. Chris Hansen: Watch, he’s gonna take a seat right over there. WINN sarcastically huffs at HANSEN. WINN: I couldn't tell at all. BRUT rubs his red forehead and grunts in pain. BRUT: Ow... Never start with the head, the victim gets all, fuzzy, he can’t feel the nex- ALEKS then proceeds to whip BRUT's hand with his belt at full force. BRUT squints his eyes a little and smiles. BRUT: ...See...! ALEKS: You wanted me, here I am. BRUT: I wanted to see how you would react to my anime... And you didn’t disappoint. ALEKS: Where’s the hard drive?! BRUT: You’re becoming just like me, you just need time. ALEKS: Then why do you wanna kill me? BRUT begins to start laughing hysterically. He laughs so hard that he ends up shitting his diapers. BRUT: I don’t wanna kill you! What would I do without you? Go back to pissing off WINN? No, no, no, you... YOU. COMPLETE. ME! ALEKS: You’re a pedophile that wants to rape lolis. BRUT: Don't talk like one of them, you’re not! You may not realize it now but you’re changing. Cause a stage one weeb is still a weeb. BRUT licks his lips for like the hundredth time. BRUT: See these casual anime they’ll cast you out the second they get the chance. Do you get it, it’s a bad joke, see you and me... Well we're the same. It’s only matter of time till you crack. See I’m not a pedophile. I just think lolis are cute. ALEKS grabs BRUT and hold him upright. WINN, WAHEEB and HANSEN continue to survey ALEKS' interrogation. WAHEEB seems worried about what might happen next. WAHEEB: Uh... WINN: ...This will work. ALEKS slams BRUT against the wall. ALEKS: I am not a fucking weeb! BRUT: Not yet, but soon... BRUT looks at ALEKS' Rolex. BRUT: Ah, it’s almost time. ALEKS: Until what? BRUT: The hard drives retard. ALEKS: Hard drives? BRUT: Yep, and it’s not mine. BRUT looks at the surveillance cameras with a large grin on his face WAHEEB and WINN become increasingly nervous. WAHEEB: No... WAHEEB turns and looks at WINN worriedly. WINN: Wait... ALEKS becomes furious and tightens his grip on BRUT. ALEKS: That's it! ALEKS choke-holds brut and flips him onto a table like a fuckin pancake ALEKS: BRUT: Oooooh HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA LMAO, Bruh, cringe! ALEKS grabs the chair and heads towards the door. WINN begins to shit his pants as he realizes that ALEKS may or may not kill his son. WINN: Oh, shit! Chill nigga! WINN runs towards the door in a hurried panic. WINN: CHILL! ALEKS! THAT'S MY ONLY SOURCE OF WELFAAARE! ALEKS walks back to BRUT and slams his head against the wall. ALEKS: WHERE ARE THEY?! BRUT: This all about making a choice- ALEKS punches BRUT in the face. ALEKS: WHERE ARE THEY?! BRUT: Will you save your own hard drive? Or your best friends' entire Yuri collection hes been building up for years!? ALEKS begins to '''236L' BRUT against the wall repeatedly.'' BRUT begins to hysterically laugh. BRUT: You have nothing... NOTHING TO THREATEN ME WITH! Nothing to do with all your strength! ALEKS: There are plenty of ways to make you talk besides force. ALEKS grabs BRUT again and holds him upright. BRUT: Don’t worry, I’m gonna tell you where they are. That’s the point, you’ll have to choose! You can’t get to both. Yours is at 2372 City Centre, and his- BRUT points at the surveillance camera. WINN begins sweating immensely. BRUT: -Is at 190 Avenue C. ALEKS frowns and holds BRUT even higher. BRUT: HAHAHAHA, BOOMER! ALEKS slams BRUT against the ground and opens the door. WINN: OK good, I was literally about to blast the door down. Why the fuck are you dressed like that? ALEKS: I found the hard drives! WINN: Where? ALEKS: Yours is at Avenue C. WINN: ...That's it? ALEKS: Well he kept talking about time so there’s probably a bomb or something. WINN: A fucking what!? ALEKS: Ya, you might wanna hurry. WINN simultaneously thinks about every single Yuri picture he has ever saved on the hard drive. WINN: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-''' WINN bursts through the house and starts flying at light-speed towards the address. WINN: 'AAAAAAA'AAAAAaaa''aaaaaaaaaaaaaa........'' WINN's screaming fades into the horizon with him. ALEKS: Ah my ears, eh! ''ONE MINUTE LATER'' ALEKS: '''Let's fucking goooo! ALEKS bursts through the KAMEHAMEHOUSE doors. ALEKS: I got mine boys! WINN wha- WINN can be seen looking down at the floor with a thousand yard stare. WINN: That little fucker blew up the building my hard drive was in as SOON as I arrived! WINN angrily throws a chair out the window like a maniac. ALEKS: Oh... Well I’m gonna just put this back in my computer. WINN: You lucky motherfucker. ALEKS puts the hard drive in the computer and waits for his SUPER ALIENWARE to boot up. ALEKS: Hah, here we g- ALEKS' monitor is flooded with pictures of Yuri. ALEKS: Wait... ALEKS starts to screech at the top of his lungs. WINN: Oh my fucking Buddha, shut the fuck up! ALEKS: WINN: What!? WINN looks at ALEKS screen and bares witness all of his own hard saved work. WINN: No fucking way. ALEKS: That little shit... Switched the fucking addresses! WINN: Yes! YES! YEEEEES! WINN yeets out the hard drive from the computer faster than he pulled out of his wife, and instant transmissions to his room. Meanwhile, a manic BRUT is seen chuckling to himself. BRUT: Boomer cringe! Boomer cringe! Boomer cringe! ALEKS and BRUT were now arch-enemies. The End